Feels Bad… – Thoughts Miscellaneous

Opening Thoughts

Everyday sucks. Life kind of sucks too to be honest. It’s hard to be optimistic about tomorrow when there’s nothing to be positive about.

What’s the point?

You used to care about eating healthy but that doesn’t matter anymore. Who cares if you gain a little more weight? A six pack is overrated and isn’t going to pay your bills. Why constantly deprive yourself of food that actually brings some pinnace of joy to your life? It tastes good and make you feel good. When life is full of struggle, why make things even more difficult for yourself? What’s the point?

You used to care about working hard at your job. A promotion was right around the corner – or so you thought. Not only did you not get it after all your hard work, but colleagues who joined the team after you were the ones to get promoted before you. If not only feels like a slap in the face but also a punch in the gut. You’re happy for them because they are good at their job and are nice people – but so are you. The fire within you has been extinguished and you’ve been going through the motions the past couple of weeks. You’ll continue to do your job and be a good teammate but aren’t going to kill yourself over this stupid promotion anymore. What’s the point?

You use to be a loving and caring partner. You listened, you communicated, you supported them. For one reason or another things didn’t work out and the person you’ve been with for so long, who you thought you’d be with until the end is no longer your partner. Now you have to find a new identity for yourself and start over. The dating world is brutal and you don’t know if you have the spirit to put yourself through more pain just for the possibility of ending up with someone else who wants to ends things. What the point?

Life is full of ups and downs. The highs never last forever but the downs can…if you choose to never get back up.

Taking A Knee

When a boxer gets punched really hard (which is always) and they find themselves wobbling. The best move in that moment is to take a knee and gather yourself while the referee counts to 10. Yes, you lose a point for being down but in the moment you have two options.

The first option is to continue fighting while in a discombobulated state. You don’t know where the punches are coming from but you are swinging wildly in every direction. Burning through precious stamina and hoping to either land a punch of your own or to keep your opponent at bay. However, a trained pugilist will be able to find or even create an opening by using your tendencies against you. They’ll leverage their footwork, use faints, and head movement to get your frantic mind to fall into a trap. All it takes is one well-placed and timed punch for the fight to be over.

The second option is to recognize your vulnerability in the moment and take a knee. The referee is standing over you counting to 10. You look over at your corner and your coach it telling you to take your time and get up at 8. Yes, in this scenario you’ve lost a point for being down but you’ve given yourself an opportunity to assess the situation and to stay in the fight. You still have a chance to win.

Sometimes taking a small step (or multiple steps) back can be the best course of action over the long term. You don’t have to act or react immediately. Take a knee and take a deep breath.

Punch In The Gut

There was a point in my life where it felt like nothing mattered. I lost my sense of optimism when I found myself on a seemingly endless journey of unemployment upon graduating college several years ago.

In early 2024, I was coming off my first year of entrepreneurship and found a myself feeling like a loser and an idiot. I was starting to internalize voices from my mindsent telling me I’m not good enough. My health was the least of my concerns and I found myself eating caribbean food from Uber Eats every night (absolutely delicious 🤤) .

Similarly with work, I’ve seen everyone at my level and below get promoted while I just stood there awkwardly. Imagining the conversations being held behind my back and over analyzing each interaction with colleagues. I could hear them laughing at me and trying to hold back laughter every time they looked at me.

We’ve all had challenges and periods that have felt like a punch to the gut. Like a trained boxer the best course of action is taking a knee and reassessing the situation.

Let Life Suck

Let it fester.

Be angry.

Cry if necessary.

Have that imaginary argument.

Write it in your journal.

Scroll mindlessly through social media.

Eat that junk food.

Let life suck.

Phase 1: Opening The Bottle

The first phase in this process is to let your natural emotions process themselves. Obviously, don’t hurt yourself or others but allow yourself to feel your emotions. It’s never just one emotion, it’s a mix of them because the goal you were working towards elicited multiple emotions like the excitement of achieving it or the fear of failure. Don’t try to process your emotions at this time, just feel time and think back to what moments or specific motivations are attached to said emotion. I remember feeling a sense of insecurity brewing because it felt like I was being left behind and told I wasn’t good enough, when I saw my peers getting promoted over me. If you are angry then allow yourself to be angry.

Acknowledge your emotions. You are human. Let it fester.

Phase 2: Pouring It Out Slowly

The next step after giving yourself time and sitting with your thoughts and emotions is to pour it out slowly. Find a way of releasing or offsetting the negativity. In other words, re-energize your mind, body, and spirit. This process is similar to what I’ve mentioned on establishing guilt-free boredom. Take the proper steps to ensure you are inching towards your goal everyday, even when you’re resting.

In this case, if you enjoy reading then start again if you’ve been neglecting it because you’ve been feeling down. If you enjoy playing video games or watching movies, get back into the swing of things. This phase is about injecting positivity back into your life.

The first thing I did was capture my thoughts into a journal. It felt cathartic and allowed me to really organize my thoughts. This included asking myself a very important question. How will it respond? Will I give up and become bitter and stop being productive? This would only create a self-fulfilling prophecy and justify whatever biases management had delivered to support their argument. Or would I hold myself accountable and show up for myself? I chose the latter because 23 year old Abu explicitly told himself he would never tolerate the thought of becoming a bitter person.

During that time, I got back into doing my hobbies that bring me energy and joy. I told myself that I wanted to be able to look back at this moment in the future and be proud of how I responded.

How Low Can You Go

Phase 3: Establishing You Minimums

The final step is actually going to be the first steps going forward but it the last step the first time you go through this process (I really hope that doesn’t sound convoluted 😅).

I touched on this in the previous section but want to highlight it again with its own section.

It is crucial for you to decide how low you will go. Specifically, regarding your personal standard and expectations for yourself.

If you are discouraged about your health, will you completely let yourself go and disregard the progress you’ve worked hard for so far?

If you’ve been hurt by a partner, will you hurt them back? Will you direct your pain outwards to punish others?

If you’ve been passed over for a promotion, will you completely check out?

Be honest and ask yourself what your boundaries are. When we often hear about boundaries, it’s typically explained as an invisible shield or territory in which we shouldn’t let others trespass. It’s described as a line that shouldn’t be crossed by others but boundaries are not a one way street.

It’s possible for you to cross your own boundaries.

Ask yourself what your boundaries are that you should never cross now matter how you feel in the moment. For me I will never allow myself to be the negative voice that always wants to bring others down or someone who’s incapable of being happy for others. I knew at the moment, even with how frustrated I was that crossing that boundary would be the point of no return. I wouldn’t be able to look myself in the mirror if I headed that path.

Closing Thoughts

I want to be able to look back at my past decisions and be proud of myself for doing the right thing at the time. I want to be able to say that I made the best decision based on the information I had available at the time, and that I chose the path that was best for long term success even if it really sucked at the moment.

Adhering to your principals and understanding that boundaries are two-way streets are crucial. One-way boundaries can often lead down a road of hypocrisy.

Life can be a rollercoaster. When you are feeling down, allow yourself to experience those emotions instead of immediately trying to bypass them. As you pursue your goals and develop in multiple areas, one thing that will being to click will be your self-trust.

Trust yourself and listen to your body.