Opening Thoughts
It’s a hot summer night in the city that never sleeps. Circa 2005.
Teenage Abu is laying on the couch, watching some music videos on MTV (are you old enough to remember that time 👴🏽). Drinking some Coca Cola. Reaping the benefits of the trek he was ordered to make for the betterment of the household. Everyone is either in their room or taking a shower. Everyone except for this innocent young lad that is. This was a time before smartphones became ubiquitous so his undivided attention was placed on the rapper on the TV screen bragging about his life. From the corner of his eye, a flying object enters from the window (no windows screen were harmed during the making of this movie). It’s drunken path resembled that of a fly but its size was closer to Shaquille O’Neil’s thumb. Before this innocent (and handsome, don’t forget handsome) youth could tilt his head and adjust his glasses to make out what this interloper was doing…BAM right in the kisser (it was really the cheek but still traumatizing). A massive bug flew right into his face, smacked him as if he owed it money, and flew away. Giving him a menacing glance as it ricocheted away. Telling him in it’s best Terminator impression, “I’ll be bahhk”.
It wasn’t lying.
From Cozy Home To Caged
Fast forward about 20 years. I’m in the process of settling into a new apartment that I plan on calling home for the foreseeable future. My soul is pulsating, telling me this is where my goals will come to fruition. I just moved into a five story pre-war building in Queens, New York. A far cry from the 37th floor luxury apartment I initially hoped would be my long-term abode.
Like so many others trying to navigate this obstacle course called the economy. Juggling multiple events from the 4×4 (your 9-5), javelin throwing (throwing away or cutting back on “unnecessary” expenses), and high jumping (trying to pay rent or mortgage without drowning or breaking your back to stay aligned with the analogy). I made the adult decision to reassess what was really important (the in-unit washer and dryer and washing machine were nice 😢).
Thanks to pure serendipity back in 2021, I was able to sign a 2 year lease at the very end of the covid era discounts being offered all over the city. However, three years later after struggling to manage a $700 rent increase in 2023 (sigh, I should have moved at this time but was too attached to what I thought would be home), I knew this was not meant for me and began counting down the months until I could move forward (literally). After getting to a point where it took more than an entire pay check to pay rent, I knew that there was no way I would stay (trapped) in this prison that was once a home and a sense of pride and joy. I came to internalize that there is a difference between being able to pay for something and being able to afford it. Seeing a proposed $500 increase (this would have been $1,200+ over the course of two years) only solidified my decision. If I wanted to achieve my goals (building a business), I would need to take a step back in order to take a leap forward in the future.
New Crib, Who This?!
After a very stressful apartment search (it’s especially tough in New York City), I was struck by another bolt of serendipity. I landed an apartment that lacked the amenities of my previous place but was actually larger and cheaper! The area was amazing with a park close by, easy transit access, and plenty of options to eat out (by this time I deleted the Uber Eats app and picked up my food personally). The commute time to work was unchanged if not a little shorter. What more could anyone ask for?!
However, a situation soon presented itself after a couple weeks of getting settled in. It was a typical weekday in which I was getting ready to head to the office for work when a glitch in the matrix occurred (cue Neo seeing the black cat passing by twice).
“Told you I’d be back.”
Return of The Thumb
In the very same corner of my eye as 20 years prior, a curious crawler caught my attention. It came back. This time with a much different energy, a nonchalant and almost arrogant gait as it took its time crossing the kitchen floor. Making itself as comfortable as I had been in my new apartment up until that moment.
Being the adult that I am, I handled it like a bawse (instruction: read in your best Rick Ross voice, you know you want too 😉). I sprayed it with some you-aint-welcome-here-bro and moved on with my day, failing to give it a second thought. I wasn’t the same innocent youth from 20 years ago. I was a hardened veteran at this game of life.
However, over the next three months, the waterbugs kept coming bahhk. At first it was once every couple of weeks. I would scour my apartment to try to figure out where they might be coming from and found some openings that I believed were their entry point. I’d seal these openings and confidently go about my day once more, convinced the issue was resolved as I was indeed a bawse (see prior instructions, thank you). This was not ideal but manageable.
Thumb Raider
Things came to a head on a humid rainy Saturday night. I was laying on the rug in my room, doing some stretching (insert self care b-roll). After standing up to get some water, I turn around, facing my bed to put on my sandals when another thumb runs across my yoga mat. This was the first time they entered into my bedroom and the first time that panic started to set in. This invasion of privacy brought a degree of discomfort that immediately makes you want to take a shower (oh yeah, by this time a another thumb had gotten into the bathroom a couple weeks prior). This was my breaking point. I had reached my limit. This place was no longer worth it (even though I really liked it). Similar to a year prior where the gravity of the situation (financial stress at that time) started weighing on me. Familiar thoughts started running through my head once more.
“Idiot.”
“What a screw up.”
“This guy can’t even look for an apartment right.”
“If you can’t do something this simple, how do you expect to actually make a change in your life.”
“Give up bro, you’re being delusional.”
“Incompetent.”
As the mindsent started gaining momentum in my mind, a sense of frustration started coming over me. Not frustration with my self but frustration at this feeble attempt to get me off my path. At no point in the year prior as I was struggling to juggle all the aforementioned events did I ever think about seriously quitting. There were times when I (thought) I had failed in 2023 but my mindset was to re-evaluate my process and try again. Some bugs were going to stop me.
Detective Homes
Facing an unfamiliar situation and in need of desperate guidance, I did what most millennials have been trained to do…askjeeves.com (remember that 👴🏽) jk I turned to google. After binge reading all things waterbug (did you know they’re commonly called American Roaches? Waterbug seems to be a NYC thing similar to “pop” in the midwest), I gained a bit of assurance knowing that this wasn’t a unique issue. Many people, particularly in New York City, have faced this very issue and most importantly overcame it. The key piece of information was that they were coming from the ground (or basement) level and were coming in from some opening in my apartment. They typically travel solo and are supposed to be one-offs. However, this rainy Saturday night was likely a holiday season for them because not only did they enter my bedroom for the first time (I’m still cringing rethinking that scene) but that was the first of two more visits that night and the 5th thumb sighting in the past week alone.
The “good” thing about having more thumbs show up that night was that it gave me more datapoints. Rather then treating these creepy crawlers as a part of life and an afterthought, I paid closer attention to where they always appeared to come from. After a heated battle with the 5th finger of the week (it started climbing my wall 😱). I was stung by another bug…serendipity (my motif game is 💪🏽).
Imagine a hero in an intense battle with a monster. He launches a fierce attack that is easily repelled and gets thrown across the cave. As he starts contemplating his defeat, he looks up through his blurred vision and finds that he landed in front of the hidden sword needed to vanquish his foe.
After looking closer I noticed what I believed was the TRUE entry point for these thumbs. If you’re familiar with pre-war buildings in New York. Some of them have an aluminum-colored pipe that runs vertically along several rooms throughout the building. I don’t know exactly what it does but I know it gets hot during the winter. The bottom of this pipe had a ring that was meant to create a seal. After taking a closer look I noticed the seal was actually slightly tilted, not by much but just big enough for a thumb to fit through 🕵🏽♂️.
After sealing this hole with high quality duct tape. I’ve been able to breathe a sigh of relief. I’m not 100% confident that the issue is resolved but I’m cautiously optimistic 🤞🏽. If they do come bahhk, it’ll be a battle that I’m ready for 🥊.
Closing Thoughts
If this came off as a random story about waterbugs, allow me to be more direct about the point of this story. Life is full of ups and downs. The peaks and troughs are difficult to identify in the moment because our path is a complex function with an infinite amount of variables that come into play.
Waterbugs are symbolic for unexpected circumstances in life.
In the world of statistics (specifically regression analysis) our path (the line of “best” fit) is indicative of our general trajectory. There are going to be some highs (peaks) or lows (troughs) during the course of our journey (life). There’s also going to be a whole lot of noise (distractions or unexpected circumstances). This variable is represented by Epsilon (ε), but cool people like us will call it a waterbug instead (different slang same meaning, pick up what I’m putting down💃🏽?)
After briefly succumbing to panic, I took a deep breath and put the problem into perspective. I did some research to arm myself with the proper information and to not let my mindsent run wild. I reassessed the situation based on what I had learned and faced the issue (and myself to sound cool and philosophical) head on.
Below is my recommended process for dealing with waterbugs (let’s call it the waterbug spray).
Step 1: Problem discovered
Step 2: Panic (this is important)
Step 3: Question your life choices
Step 4: Take a deep breath
Step 5: Put the problem into perspective
Step 6: Research possible solutions
Step 7: Implement solutions
Step 8: Repeat steps 6 & 7 if necessary
Step 9: Profit💰
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